Why might a counsellor delve into the past?

I have often heard people ask, what is the significance of ‘dragging up’ past events in therapy? They question why anyone would want to bring up painful memories and that the past should be left in the past.

I understand the hesitation and also the confusion as to how it might be helpful in therapy to do this.

Some of these beliefs can prevent people from starting therapy, but also stop them from analysing their past in ways that might be helpful.

The irony of these beliefs is that we are often feeling a significant amount of pain in the present time anyway, so there is likely to be a fear of loading more on top of that.

 Some therapists may want to know about your childhood and early experiences to see how these have influenced how you view yourself and the world.

 For example, if a client comes to counselling with problems and reluctance to commit to a relationship. It might be useful to explore what their parent’s relationship was like and what was their first experience of commitment.

 What is their unconscious narrative about the commitment that’s developed from these early experiences?

 With this new awareness that the client starts to have, freedom can be fostered.

 They begin to see that this part of their personality is not fixed and that they are capable of change.

 If you were told you were rubbish academically by a teacher or parent, it is not likely that you will have a love for learning. You may then go through life feeling not smart enough, or avoid doing anything academic.

 Exploring the origins of these beliefs can make space to create a new reality for you.

 The feelings might be painful initially, but the self-awareness they might bring could also provide newfound confidence and the ability to change.

 A final example, that I see a lot, is when a client senses that nothing will go right for them.

There is anxiety and dread about the future.

We explore the client’s early experiences and discover there was a wave of traumatic events and disappointments.

The client did not get their needs met in a way that felt good and nourishing.

Now as adults, it's emotionally ‘safer’ to expect the worst, because feeling disappointed or let down is so painful and reminds them of all those difficult times before.

 “The only person with whom you have to compare yourself is you in the past.” Sigmund Freud

 I really like this quote by the psychiatrist Freud as it puts an emphasis on looking to yourself to find the answers, rather than relying on others perception or comparing ourselves.

we can learn so much about our emotions from what has happened in our past.

 Its ok to fear delving into the past, but hopefully I have described a different perspective that might help with some of those anxieties.